Voices of NTCA Women in Telecom: Insights, Inspiration and Industry Perspectives from WIT members. To learn more about WIT or get involved, visit ntca.org/wit.
A few years ago, I listened to a leadership podcast on confrontation and how to handle hard conversations with employees. When asked for an example of how to start the conversation, the podcaster advised opening it with, “I’m telling myself a story that may or may not be true. The story I’m telling myself is that you are (insert issue). Is this a true story that I’m telling myself?” The podcaster said in most cases, if it is true, the employee will admit where they have let the company down. Or they might share more information that you, as the manager, need to understand the situation better. Or … you may be telling yourself an untrue story.
This podcast hit me like a ton of bricks. Not because it was helpful in dealing with employee issues (which it very much was), but more importantly, because it caused me to think about the number of stories I tell myself every day, specifically the number of untrue stories.
As we go through our day, every interaction causes our brain to make up a story. Maybe it was that quick comment from your spouse when you passed by, grabbing your morning coffee, the way your son or daughter looked at you, or the tone of a co-worker’s voice. With each interaction, the human mind will use limited information to create a story. Some are true, some are not.
In short, our minds can be a%$holes.
Untrue stories can be harmful, but possibly none more than the self-stories we create. Self-stories are largely dependent on your environment, the people in your circle, the music you listen to, your awareness. Self-stories, when negative, can be the most damaging.
As women, it can be difficult to keep self-stories true. I know I’ve told myself a few stories over the years on how I’m failing, especially as a mom. I have no doubt there are moments that I have failed, but I hope most of those stories were not true.
If I had an opportunity to have a conversation with my younger self today, I would ask her to question all the stories she is telling herself, realizing that most of them may not be true. I’d tell her to be a little kinder to the girl in the mirror as wisdom truly does come with age, and she’s not doing as bad as it looks. Then I would leave her with a long, hard hug and tell her not to worry nearly as much about those three little punks she believes she is failing as there is a pretty good chance they will turn out to be the most amazing full-grown humans.
We tell ourselves stories every day. Some are true. Many are not. Be careful which ones you believe, especially about you.
These blogs are brought to you by NTCA Women in Telecom, a program dedicated to empowering women in the telecommunications industry. To learn more about the program, connect with the WIT community, or explore opportunities for involvement, visit ntca.org/wit.